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Thursday, March 14, 2013

An unpopular opinion.

My friend texted me this morning with a question.

Should you throw a baby shower for an unmarried woman?

I gave her my opinion, one that I know I’m pretty alone in.

Yes, I think you should.  Because that’s the woman who needs support and love and gifts, because she’s going to be doing this alone.  And regardless of the circumstances, children are a gift from God, and don’t deserve to have a lesser life because of something their parents did wrong.

Then came the kicker.

What if it’s a married man’s baby?  He told her he wasn’t married, but he is, and it’s his baby.


I thought about it, and told her my answer was still the same. 

No, I don’t think you should stand up in front of church and say “hooray, we’re going to celebrate this!”  But that doesn’t mean you abandon her and throw her out on her own. 

Her response hurt my heart.

Try telling my church that.

Jesus came for the sick, you guys.
He came for the sinners.
He came for the broken.

And let’s be honest here:  if this woman had been having sex with a man that she wasn’t married to, realized it was wrong and was sorry, no one would have any problem.  She would be accepted and loved on, and even glorified for her testimony.  But because that resulted in a pregnancy, she’s an outcast.  A sinner.  Unredeemable.  When really, she did the same thing, merely the result was different.

Why is that?  Because sometimes, some of us get churchy.
And we put our churchy pants on.
And we don’t care about the sin.
We care about the appearance.

This isn’t about a baby shower. 
I hope that women of God will rally around this woman and her child and encourage her.
I hope they will pray for her and offer her friendship and assistance.
But this is about more than that.

This is about the fact that we seem to have forgotten that Jesus came for the sick.
We’re more comfortable sitting in church and organizing events and taking missions trips than we are with getting involved with people who are living messed up lives.

It’s easier to go to another country where people have never heard about Jesus and love on them than it is to reach out to people who have heard about Jesus and are living opposite of that.  It’s harder to love on them.

It's harder to love on the promiscuous girl. 
It's harder to love on the gay guy. 
It's harder to love on the intelligent atheist. 
It's harder to love on the one who knows about Jesus, but chooses to live a lifestyle of partying and destruction instead. 

It's easier to politely forget about them. 
To turn our head and cary on with our church business and just leave them alone. 

Sin is messy.
It is ugly.
It is not pristine and clean.
That’s why Jesus had to come.

And, hello, if you’re confused about how to reach out to people living in sin, take a look at Jesus’ life and how He lived it.

After all, we’re supposed to be following that example, are we not?

Or have we sacrificed that too, for the sake of a pristine appearance?

When was the last time you befriended someone living in sin?
And just rolled up your sleeves and wallowed through the mud with them?
When did you last grab on to them and promise to not let go, no matter what?
No matter how messy it got
No matter what other people thought
No matter how it made you look
No matter how frustrating it got
Until you had shown them the unconditional love of Jesus that was so graciously given to you?

That, my friends, is what it’s all about.  


  1. This is a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing.

  2. I agree with you hun! I've had several friends who had baby showers and they werent married before having the baby. Never had a friend who had a baby by a married man. But you should still love your friend and support her and stand behind her. That's what she needs. Plus how would they feel if the position was reversed.

  3. It's shocking to me that in this day and age, some people still judge other people on their "sin". It's about time people realize that nobody is better or worse than anyone else. We are all equal. And any parent, who is having a baby, deserves a shower no matter what.

  4. I completely agree with you! We are not here to judge others and their sins, that is left to God. And either way the baby is born free of sins, completely pure, why should they suffer for the sins of their parents? And every mother deserves help, especially a single mother who seems to have not known what she got herself into. I think she should have a baby shower just as any other new mother would have regardless of her marital status.
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  5. you are amazing. in every sense of the word.

  6. This is a wonderful post and I agree, you can dislike with how it came to be but the child needs to be brought into world of love and that starts with supporting the mother. I family member of my fiance got pregnant at a young age and no baby's father in the picture and their church/her immediate family didn't agree with giving a shower, but a few other family members threw one for her and invited them anyway. I firmly told people that I supported the shower and sent a huge basket of gifts.

  7. Wow. Thank you for having the courage to share that.

  8. Boy, did I need that!
    Thank you for sharing this!

  9. Hi Chelsea! This is so beautifully written :) thank you for your openness. I totally agree that we are not the ones to judge others. We should accept and offer help where it is clearly needed. We cannot change others but we can change how we respond to be accepting and open-minded. Seriously, beautiful words of wisdom.

  10. I enjoyed reading this! What a great reminder. We all need to remember to love others as Jesus would and remember that each person, no matter their circumstances is precious in the eyes of God. Thanks for sharing! :)

  11. beautifully written, and you're so right!

  12. Amazing...His grace is for us all :)

  13. i just stumbled upon your blog.. and this post really got me.. i completely agree.. wise wise words.. i shared it to facebook.. i hope you don't mind.. thank you for this reminder.. that Jesus came for the broken, the imperfect.. US.. all of us.. God bless!!
    love and blessings, ally

  14. <3 I completely agree with you. She is the one who needs help the most. And, it's heartbreaking that her church, the place I would go for support, wasn't supportive of her when she needed it.

  15. Beautifully said. I agree with you- it's sad that she won't get the support from those she probably wants/ needs it from most. I love your blog by the way! I'm a fairly new follower :)

    xo Jackie


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