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Wednesday, March 25, 2015

Married in Med School: What You Need to Know.

married to someone in med school

1. No one really cares that you're married. Let's just get this out of the doesn't matter that you're married. It doesn't change anything for anyone other than you. Your spouse does not get extra vacation days simply because they have a wife who would like to go on vacation.

I know, the world is a cruel and unfair place.

2. "Final schedule" is a loose term. I cannot even tell you how many times I have seen the final, final schedule...only for it to change two days later. Don't get attached to any schedule, because it will change, probably more than once. If you're not flexible now...well, you're about to learn how to be.

3. Free time doesn't really exist. They get time off, of course, but that time is filled with a horrible way to spend weekends that is commonly known as studying. But that teaches you to cherish time. Because when you do get time off, whether it's 15 minutes or an entire weekend, you know just how special it is. I almost cry of happiness when we get a weekend together. It's the little things.

4. It's a career, not a college major. There is no skipping classes all semester to go to the beach. It's a just happens to come with homework and tests and studying.

5. You have to be on each other's team. You're in this together. Fighting over things that neither one of you have control over is just a recipe for disaster. Don't do it. Dream together about the future, complain together about the present..just do it together. You're not on opposing sides.

6. You need to have your own hobbies. I remember when we were talking about getting married, and Chris asked me, "What are you going to do while I'm studying all the time?" And I replied, "I'll just read books!" HA. I love reading more than anyone else I know...and I get sick of reading before the studying ends.

Have your own hobbies, please. This is the biggest favor you can do for yourself. I love all things crafty, so whenever Chris has a test or something coming up, I raid Hobby Lobby and spend my weekends covered in glitter. Have something you can look forward to doing alone, it makes things so much easier.

7. Lower your expectations. I heard this advice so much, and it made me so angry every time. Like, I'm just supposed to have low expectations for my marriage? Rude. BUT...there actually is a lot of truth to it. I think a better way to say this is adjust your expectations. Realize that this is a season of your life where flexible plans are the best. Have realistic expectations, and you'll be pleasantly surprised.

8. Don't always be looking forward. This is the biggest thing I have learned over the last three years. There's always a "next step." Something big is always around the corner. But if you're constantly looking at what's coming up instead of what's actually happening, you miss out on so much.

Of course I'm excited for med-school to be over. But that doesn't mean the past three years haven't been full of adventures and good memories. Open your eyes and take it in now, instead of waiting for something that's just going to turn into waiting for something else.

9. They can't do it without you. I mean, they made it into med school, so in all reality they're smart and could do it without you. But they married you, so obviously they don't want to. You're in this together.

10. You control how situations turn out. 

married in med school

Look for the good in every single day, and you will find it. Have an adventurous attitude and know that you will never get this time in your life back, so make the very most of it. It can be the best time of your life or it can be the worst time of your life, and you're the one who gets to decide what it's going to be.

What advice do you have for being married to someone with a difficult career?


  1. What important reminders! Our spouses career's can be very demanding, exhausting, and exciting too. Support is so important, along with all the things you mentioned. I would add "Sometimes they just don't want to talk about their day and it's okay." I always ask and want to know what happened throughout the day, and sometimes he is so exhausted he just doesn't want to talk about it...I used to take it personally, but now I don't...haha.

  2. This works for a husband in flight school an the military as well. I have to be really flexible and know that his work often comes before mine. Life has been a great adventure, though, and I wouldn't trade the things it has taught me!

  3. Great post! I can completely relate with Ryan being in law school. It took us awhile to learn that we are on the same side and to not fight over things neither of us can change. Adjusting expectations was a big lesson too, I just had to learn to live my own life when he was literally never home. It's coming to a close now, in just ONE month and I can't believe it. I think we'll have to learn to live together all over again. You can finish this out together! Your love is strong.

  4. I think this is great advice for marriage in general! Lowering expectations is a big one that I've had to learn. I find that when I expect my husband to be all things and do all things it's just not fair to him. He's a real person with flaws and faults who makes mistakes. To expect him to be able to read my mind and do everything the way I think is "right" just isn't going to happen. I'm much happier when I remember that!

  5. Love this post!! So many great tips and truths. I think you have to be understand and supportive of each other no matter what the career or how much time is dedicated to it. Being on the same team is so important :)

  6. YES YES YES. I'm in a PhD program, but these all apply too. It can be hard on a marriage but it can also be much easier because of your marriage. Great post!

  7. Great post! My husband is a police officer in the Marine Corps and I can't even begin to tell you how demanding and frustrating his job and his schedule can be. It's so important to be understanding and supportive!

  8. I like that quote at the end! I have a friend who is married to someone was in med-school, she knew a lot of these points when she married him. I am always amazed by someone married to someone with a difficult career, try my best to encourage when I can. :)

  9. I love this post and I love that you're supportive and in it as a team, that's so important!!! :)

  10. Embrace your independence! MFD's schedule is never, ever set. If he has to back out of something at the last minute or show up late, I roll with it.

  11. I think this is such a good perspective. I love you Ms.Positivity. I am not dating or married to a med school student but I think this is great advice for anyone with a spouse or significant other with an extremely time consuming/life engulfing career.

  12. You and Chris are great and I think it's so cool that he's in med school!! It is a difficult career, but you're a team that's hard to break, and that's all that matters.

    The Life of Little Me

  13. i love that ordeal/adventure quote! i have one friend that is in med school and although him and his wife live nearby, we hardly see them! they have a little girl together so i'm sure ANY free time he has he is spending it with his wife and their little girl. i look forward to the day where i can see my friends again! when is that? after they match with a hospital?

  14. Great post! And that quote at the end is perfect!

  15. I really, really loved this. My boyfriend is in med school and it's been totally...crazy? I don't know if there's a word to describe it, really! Getting an entire day together is the best thing ever and an entire weekend feels like a dream for sure. It's worth every second though because we love and support each other fully. :)

  16. This is great advice! My husband is a resident now, but we were married all four years of med school. Every year got easier because I learned all this stuff along the way. Reading this list early on would have helped me out a ton!

  17. one of my close girlfriends is a nurse married to a doctor, and it seems so challenging. there were months that they didn't see each other at all and had to write on the fridge to communicate to each other.

  18. Thank you for this post! My boyfriend is currently an engineering major, but will be going to grad school full-time (as will I). We're already doing long distance, but there will be many more challenges ahead!


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