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Monday, May 9, 2016

Mother's Day & Being Nice.

The things that people say on social media really shouldn't surprise me anymore, but yesterday, I was a little taken aback. 

Yesterday was my first time celebrating Mother's Day with a baby of my own. Last year on this day, actually becoming a mom was the farthest thing from my mind, even though there was already a little babe growing inside of me. This year, I got to wake up to a box of chocolates and a smiling baby and flowers and thought it was the best ever. Oh, what a year can change. It's so crazy to think about. 

Anyway, we all know that holidays of any kind bring out both the best and worst in people on the internet. Yesterday was no exception. There were sweet pictures of everyone with their mom, tributes written to mothers everywhere, and quick snapshots of memories of families at brunch. 

And then, of course, there were some...more strongly-worder posts. 

The ones like, "Celebrating Mother's Day by the pool in honor of avoiding getting pregnant for 27 years now! A baby would be such a life-ruiner."

Posts saying that choosing to not have kids is a selfish decision, and that your life is NOTHING without a baby. 

Posts like, "Celebrating Mother's Day so openly is so insensitive to those of us still trying to conceive. Please tone it down."

Or, "Wanna know what being a mom actually is? It's never having anything for yourself, always changing or cleaning or picking up something, and not even having the time to shower. It actually really sucks most days."

Clearly some people I follow had some pretty strong feelings about yesterday. 

We all get to have an opinion, of course. And we all get to share it, if we choose to. So here's mine, at a whopping three and a half months into being a mom.

Motherhood is: 
  • hard. 
  • adventurous. 
  • exciting. 
  • exhausting. 
  • an honor. 
  • something that can come in many different forms.
  • the best. 
  • messy. 

Motherhood is not: 
  • a death sentence. 
  • the end of enjoying your life. 
  • something that makes every other part of you cease to exist. 
  • boring. 
  • the only thing a woman can be good at. 

Motherhood can be: 
  • lonely. 
  • confusing.
  • something that takes awhile to come for some. 
  • overwhelming.
  • something that not everyone wants. 
  • a surprise. 
Motherhood is and isn't a lot of different things to different people. So goodness gracious, we should just all be nice about it. 

Before you say something about how much it sucks being a mom, think about how brokenhearted the girl who's been trying to become a mom for years is feeling. Before you say that life is devoid of meaning without kids, think about the couple who's decided having a baby isn't for them and are living a life full of meaning. Before you say getting pregnant is a life-ruiner, think about the girl who had a surprise baby (oh hi, it's me!) and actually thinks her life is pretty amazing. Before you say it's selfish to celebrate a day like yesterday, think about the girl who loves being a mom and just wants to celebrate that. 

If you have a kid, I think you are amazing. 
If you're trying to have a baby, even though it's turning out to be pretty hard, I think you are incredible. 
If you've decided having a baby of your own isn't what's best, I think you are wonderful. 

I just think you should be nice. We should all be a little bit nicer, don't you think?

Cheers to mothers and not-mothers everywhere. And cheers to kindness-so, so much kindness. 

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  1. I love this post! Being kind and considerate is key. The world would be a lot better place is people were just nicer!

  2. YES. So perfect, Chelsea. You nailed it.

  3. I completely agree! Sometimes I think women in particular need to remember the quote that her success is not your failure, and we need to stop focusing so much on comparison. My heart truly does go out to all the women out there who are trying to conceive and haven't yet been able to get pregnant, but I'm a proud mama and I shouldn't have to hide that, and no one should ever expect you to. Great post!

  4. YES to all of this! Sometimes, just being nice is the best way to go about life & people tend to forget that a lot.

  5. I'm glad I missed all of this. I didn't see any of these things yesterday!
    I found it to be really mean when people said things like, "Well enjoy traveling now, because you never will once you have a baby." R is 9 months old and we've been to Texas every other month, Virginia once, and I'm about to go to Illinois twice this summer. Pretty sure I've squashed that idea.

  6. Yesssss. I have a mother and I am not a mother and my best friend is a mother and my other best friend is currently very upset with her mother. We're ALL in different places and we're all going through different things. We should never punish anyone for celebrating moments!

  7. My goodness people just like to be Debbie Downer's. Happy Mother's Day to you and I hope it was a wonderful day! All the negative people can just wallow in their negativity. LOL!

  8. I love this post! You hit the nail on the head with everything. I was almost reluctant to post a picture of me with my little guys yesterday because I didn't want to come off as bragging, but you know what, this is a time for me to celebrate too. We're all in different stages of our lives and should be supportive of one another not demeaning. Motherhood is all what you make of it. Yes, some days are tougher than others but I refuse to look back and only see the negative in life. Happy first Mother's Day!!!
    Beautifully Candid

  9. Amen! I don't have children yet but am so happy to celebrate the wonderful moms in my life. People need to relax and be happy! Goodness! Hope you had the best day!

  10. I don't think people understand that what they say on social media had power. Like would you say that aloud tow lol your friends? Do you rally think that? Because that is in essence what you are doing.

  11. Great post! Everyone is on their own journey when it comes to motherhood and forcing that it has to be one way is unfair.

  12. Amen girl! People love to be negative sadly, no matter the situation! It's part of the reason I despise social media a lot of the time.

  13. So true. I don't know why we can't all just be where we are in life without the negativity. Like, great that you don't have kids and are loving it, but you really have to post something belittling moms? And I have sympathy for those who are struggling to conceive, but I don't think we should have to walk on eggshells just in case one of our FB friends is struggling.

  14. Your blog always makes me so happy because of the bright colors every time I come to your page :) I'm so happy you enjoyed your first Mother's Day & I so agree with you-- why can't everyone be a little bit kinder?

  15. Didn't these negative folks have A MOM to tell them if they can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all??? Happy first Mother's Day to YOU!

  16. YES! We should all definitely be nicer. Slash we should all come to read your nicer/happy blog more ;) It's kind of sad how the growth of social media has changed "holidays" and people's need for attention/to voice their own opinions. No, thank you. Happy First Mother's Day to you!

  17. Wow, it's crazy people would write things like that just to make others feel bad. You're right-we should all try to be nicer. :)

  18. Preach, girlfriend! Fantastic post. I couldn't agree more with every point that you made. Everybody really needs to be nicer.

  19. I actually dislike Mother's Day because people are total aholes about it in many different forms.

  20. I celebrated my first mothers day as well and did not hold back from posting a photo of my little miss and I together. I'm proud of bringing her into this world and who I've become as a person because of it, I'm not trying to be mean or rub it in those peoples' faces. Some people can be such Debbie Downers.

    Happy Mother's Day!

  21. A-MEN. These same exact thoughts went through my head several times over the weekend. I feel like it's become this way with everything these days :(

  22. YES!! This is so good. I think that a lot of times when I tell people we aren't interested in having kids (at least not for awhile) they think I'm some sort of demon. I think it would be far worse if I had a kid I didn't want or couldn't properly provide for. No matter how you look at it, I feel like everyone is going to have an opinion and I really love this post :)

  23. Absolutely beautiful post! It will never cease to amaze me what people will put out there on social media, everything is a controversy these days. I saw some insensitive posts too, but thankfully they were far outweighed by the beautiful and thankful posts.

  24. oh my my, those are indeed some strong feelings going around! yowza. people are scary sometimes, haha. i figure... i, myself, could live without the day, but it is nice to feel appreciated seeing as i work my tail off and love my babies more than anything on this planet. plus, my mom deserves the world, herself! so just a day to appreciate and perhaps feel appreciated, right? still changing poopy blowouts, still loving my awake babies at 3am. i love everything you said here. :)

  25. Yes to all of this! Let's just be kind to each other! Also, since when is celebrating one group of people (moms) demeaning to another (the ones who don't have/don't want kids)?!?!

  26. Amen! Yes, let's just be kind because being kind is the better decision. Some people are always going to find something to complain about no matter what the situation is. Happy 1st Mother's Day to you!

  27. I've actually been really refreshed by the amount of attention that the loss/infertility community has received over the last few years. When I was walking through my infertility battle just a few years ago(I'm sure I was WAY more sensitive then) it seemed like no one really acknowledged it. But people do now and I think that's really great. Hooray for people being nice! :)

  28. Happy 1st Mother's Day to you! I love reading your posts. So refreshing & honest!

  29. Yes yes yes to this post! And Happy (belated) First Mother's Day!! <3

  30. I am SO tired of everyone having a reason to be offended by EVERYTHING.

  31. YES, such a good reminder to everyone out there. I hope you had a wonderful Mother's Day. I'm so blessed and thankful to be a Stepmom, especially since my own Mom is no longer here. You cherish what you can :)

  32. Yes! I love this. I don't know how many times I saw a negative post on my facebook feeds over the weekend. -xx Leah || Chasing Texas

  33. Preach! It's time we all just accept that we are not living a one-size fits all life and learn to appreciate our differences.

  34. I couldn't agree more with you on this post! People need to chill out with their ridiculous overly opinionated + rude posts! I hope you had the best first (official) Mother's Day!

  35. Preach it. People have far too many opinions or get offended way too easily due to the internet. Yes, everyone has an opinion, but that's what makes everything in this world so beautiful and worth celebrating! I hope you had a beautiful first mother's day. No matter what motherhood brings us, our babies are always worth celebrating.


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