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Monday, August 22, 2016

It's Okay to be Scared. It's Not Okay to Stay Scared.

When I found out I was pregnant, I was absolutely terrified. Looking back now, I was of course terrified for the obvious reasons-I was going to have a baby, I was going to have to learn how to be a mom, I was going to be responsible for keeping a tiny human alive-but a big part of my fear was that it was a completely unexpected life change. And those are freaking scary. 

And then, my tiny little love was born, and I was no longer scared of the life changes, because he just fit right in so perfectly. Instead, I was scared of messing up. Of feeding him wrong or of him getting hurt because I didn't do something right. 

And now, I've kept this mini-me alive and happy for seven months. And sure, there are four-thousand and seven things to be afraid of on a daily basis when raising a baby, but all of my first fears? Not true. The way he's changed my life has not only been just fine, it's been amazing (challenging, of course, but amazing). And my worries of doing something wrong and him being hurt because of it haven't come true. Instead, I have the happiest baby on the planet and we're learning about this whole mom thing together. 

* * *

When Chris explained to me how the match process worked, and we spent weeks and weeks and weeks trying to balance good programs and good locations with what we wanted and also with the fact that we really didn't have much control at all over the situation, I was so scared. Walking down a path completely blind as to what's going to happen is incredibly unnerving. 

And then, things fell into place more beautifully than I could have imagined. The city and the neighborhood and the house, all something straight out of my dreams.

And now, I am constantly overwhelmed with just how good my life is. I have the perfect house. I got to stay in the sunshine state. It's the perfect city for my little family. And all those fears I had about what the outcome of match may be, they're just gone. 

* * *

It would be easy to look back and say, there was no reason to be scared! That was stupid! But I don't think that's true. My fears were legitimate to me, and it was okay that I felt them. 

Becoming a mom is downright terrifying at times. Taking chances is scary. Unexpected life changes can make you shake in your boots. Choosing to walk down a path without answers can be unnerving. And it's okay to let yourself feel all of that. It's okay to be scared. 

It's okay to be utterly terrified at times. 

Just as long as you don't stay there. 

Things always seem to have a way of working themselves out exactly as they're supposed to. Sometimes better than we expected, sometimes not so much. But if our arms are too busy trembling from fear, they won't be steady enough to catch the good things life is sending our way. And trust me, there's a whole lot of good.
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