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Thursday, October 13, 2016

Today I Learned I Will Never Be Exceptional (And It's Only 5:00AM)

Have you ever stumbled upon something that just instantly made you so angry that you feel like you truly might explode? Sometimes I wonder what I would do in those situations if I didn't write. Maybe I actually would explode. 

I was writing a post that had the word "assume" so many times that I started questioning if it was actually even a word because it looked so weird (you totally know what I'm talking about), so I Googled it. And I'm not sure how, but the first thing under the definition was an article named, "I Look Down On Young Women With Husbands and Kids and I'm Not Sorry." So obviously I clicked on it...

...And now my skin is on fire and my heart is pounding too fast and I can't feel my hands and RAGE RAGE RAGE. 

So here we are.

First things first, apparently this was a big deal almost two years ago and I just somehow managed to not hear about it. But just in case you're like me and don't know what I'm talking about, here are the highlights:

"Every time I hear someone say that feminism is about validating every choice a woman makes I have to fight back vomit.

Do people really think that a stay at home mom is really on equal footing with a woman who works and takes care of herself? There’s no way those two things are the same. It’s hard for me to believe it’s not just verbally placating these people so they don’t get in trouble with the mommy bloggers.

Having kids and getting married are considered life milestones. We have baby showers and wedding parties as if it’s a huge accomplishment and cause for celebration to be able to get knocked up or find someone to walk down the aisle with. These aren’t accomplishments, they are actually super easy tasks, literally anyone can do them. They are the most common thing, ever, in the history of the world. They are, by definition, average. And here’s the thing, why on earth are we settling for average? If women can do anything, why are we still content with applauding them for doing nothing?

You will never have the time, energy, freedom or mobility to be exceptional if you have a husband and kids.

I hear women talk about how “hard” it is to raise kids and manage a household all the time. I never hear men talk about this. It’s because women secretly like to talk about how hard managing a household is so they don’t have to explain their lack of real accomplishments."

I am not even going to list all the reasons I find this outrageous and completely disagree with it. Okay actually yes I am. But only a few things that I just have to say, because I could literally type about this all day and then this blog post would be eighty pages long and you'd never read my blog again. But a few things:

1. I guess this author was just magically beamed down from the heavens and not born like the rest of us? Either that, or she truly believes that her mom did nothing and lost all chance at ever being exceptional once she was born. 

2. We currently have a woman running to be the FIRST FEMALE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES who has both a husband and kids. Whatever your political views, and think we can all agree that is pretty exceptional. 

3. I would also like to know why someone who has never had a baby is qualified to say it is literally the easiest task ever? If you think that, please go read my friend Chelsea's birth story. Then pop back over here and tell me about how easy that is. 

I think the reason this bothered me so much (besides the fact that is just a bunch of nonsense) is that there is a perception of wives and/or moms that I feel like I have to work to not fall into. The following things are things I have actually thought recently: 

If I put that I'm a wife in my instagram bio, people are going to think I don't have my own identity. 

If I post too many pictures of Jack in a row, people will think I'm only a mom. 

If I write too much about being a mom people are going to start unfollowing my blog because they can't relate to me. 

If I say how fulfilling motherhood has been for me, it will seem like I am talking down to my friends who don't want kids. 

^^Also all nonsense. 

So hi. I'm Chelsea. I'm a feminist (And I strongly believe that if you are someone who does not describe yourself as a feminist, that you don't know what the word actually means). I am married to the love of my life, and I freaking love being a wife. I have a baby, and I freaking love being his mom. And yes, a lot of my identity is made up of the man I married and the baby I made. Why? Because I get to do life with the people I love most in this world every single day, and my love for them is a big factor in making me who I am. 

I do dishes and cook dinners and do laundry, and you know what? Sometimes I DO think those things are hard. I also have a job. I pay a mortgage. I take care of myself, AND two other people. I'm sorry that somehow that is not on the same footing as one person taking care of herself. 

Yes, I am busy and tired and sometimes tied down by a baby (hey, you never wake a sleeping baby!), but I still think I have the time, energy, and mobility to be freaking exceptional. 

I consider myself a feminist all. day. long. And because of that, this article makes me sick. 

To my friends who have kids: You are not simply average.

To my unmarried friends: You are exceptional. 

To my stay-at-home mom friends: You are world changers. 

To my career-minded friends: You are incredible. 

To my friends who are in love with their significant other, to my friends who truly love being single, to my friends who are unemployeed, to my friends who are stuck working a crappy job to make ends meet, to my friends who are human beings, who are alive, who are making their own choices for their own lives: You are your own person. And that person is magnificent. It is full of world-changing, exceptional, non-average, outrageous amounts of potential to be anything and anyone you want to be. 
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