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Monday, May 22, 2017

Coffee Tastes Better on Vacation.

Happy Monday! I'm coming in with a real-time coffee date today, sipping on mine with my favorite view ever. I don't think I'll ever get over how much I love the ocean. It's just so peaceful and powerful and perfect. Plus, Mondays usually find me chugging coffee for survival, not leasurely enjoying a cup at my own pace. It's nice to switch things up. And by "it's nice" I mean can I please stay on vacation forever? 

If we were having coffee...

...I'd tell you all about my vacation. I'd tell you that Jack has had the time of his life and enjoyed the beach way more than I expected. I will never ever forget watching him run up and down the beach, laughing and eating the sand. He's had the best time and I've had the best time watching him have the best time. 

...I'd ask if you have any upcoming vacation plans. And if you didn't, I'd help you make some. Because you need some. I've been saving money since January for this trip, and I wondered if I would be sad to see all of that vacate my bank account...nope. Not a bit. Getting away and enjoying life is worth every single bit of time and money and effort it takes to do so. 

...I'd tell you that I bought the Love Sweat Fitness Sweat Guide & Meal Plan. I've done her free Youtube workouts forever and loved them, so I'm super excited to try this. One, because, vacation. Aka, lots of pool nachos and drinks. And two, I am too tired/busy/not knowledgeable enough in this area to figure out what I should eat on what day and what workouts I should do when. The idea of someone telling me exactly what to do to kick-start being healthier is very appealing. I'll let you know how I like it! 

Whether you're having your coffee with an ocean view like me, or are reheating it for the third time while you chase your kids around, or are sipping on your latte in your cubicle, cheers. I hope you have the most beautiful Monday.
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Monday, May 15, 2017

Let's be Happy Today.

Let's be happy today. 

It's Monday, for one thing. That means that if you are in need of a fresh start, here you go! It's here. Use it! Let it be the starting line for you becoming the happiest you have ever been. 

Know what else is here? Summer. (Or, if you live up north, maybe it's alllllmost here for you). And there's something about summer that just seems a little more light and carefree, even when you become an adult and summers are really no different than any other time (lame). There's something about sunshine and barbecues and pool days and vacation that just whispers, you should really, really be happy. 

So whatever it is you need to do today in order to be happy, I think you should do it. If you need to quit a bad job or a bad relationship, do it. If you need to get healthier, do it. If you need to make amends with people in your life, do it. If you need to get back to that hobby that makes your heart sing, do it. 

Wherever you are, whatever kind of mood you're in, whatever circumstances you find yourself in, I just wanted to remind you that life is both entirely too short and entirely too long to not be happy. 

So let's be happy today.
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Friday, May 12, 2017

Ways Being a Mom Has Surprised Me.

It's no secret around here that Jack was a surprise. I had absolutely no plans to get pregnant and spent most of my pregnancy just trying to get used to the idea of having a baby (instead of doing research and planning for actually having him). So it's safe to say that most things about being a mom have been a surprise for me. But here are five big things that I definitely did not expect. 

It's been easier than I thought it would be. I vividly remember one of the last times I went to Target before Jack was born. I was getting in my car, and I saw this girl getting out of her car with her baby. She had the baby in one hand, got her stroller out and opened it up with the other hand, and proceeded to load the stroller up with bottles and bags and who knows what else, all while bouncing her baby to sleep. It looked so hard.

But here's the figure it out. You just do. Overnight, it became second nature for me to have a baby in one hand and (at least one) bag in the other. It becomes instinct to swerve out of the way so you don't get spit up in your hair. Something happens and you just instinctively know all this stuff. That was incredibly comforting to me to realize, because I felt so behind since I hadn't made a five-year plan for having a baby. Spoiler: I don't think having a plan would have made a big difference. 

It can be lonely. This is surprised me because I have friends. Great friends. But it can still be lonely. Because you're responsible for this entire little life. And when your little life is going through a loud phase, you can't just go out to dinner with friends. When they're going through a clingy phase, you can't road trip to see an old friend. This can result in feeling left out. 

Another way motherhood can be lonely is that it comes with the feeling that you can't make anyone else understand what you're going through. This is obviously a lie, there are millions and millions of mothers in America, so you're not the only one who has ever felt a certain way. But it can sure feel like it, especially if you're the only mom in your friend group. Michelle has been a lifesaver for me lately when it comes to this. Because someone who doesn't currently have a toddler might not understand how a skipped nap and a Target tantrum left me dissolving into a puddle of tears for three hours, but since she's in the thick of it, I can just say, "HEY THIS HAPPENED" and am immediately met with a hurricane of both sympathy (need a little bit) and you're-not-alone-because-me-too (need way more).

I actually feel a closeness with Jack, not just love towards him. This is surprising to me, because how can you feel like a one-year-old is your friend? I expected to love him, of course, but I expected it to be a one-way street for awhile. Guys, it's not. It's insane to me how early human's personalities develop, but they do, and when Jack shows his and "talks" to me and runs around doing all of his tiny little routine things, I don't just feel love for him, I feel like he's my tiny little bff. 

It made me more laid back. I guess I thought the opposite would happen? I wouldn't necessarily say I was an uptight person, but I was definitely a neeeeed to know kind of person. I needed everything to have a plan. The thought of being just a few minutes late somewhere would make me cry. But becoming a mom totally chilled me out. Can I come to your BBQ on Thursday? No idea, depends on how the afternoon goes. Will I ever be on time for church again? Probably not. And you know what? It's all okay. 

I am still 100% myself. I still listen to rap music in the car. I still go to happy hours (when my tiny human is in a good mood, at least). I still have people over. I still go to the pool all the time. I still read books and do yoga and blog and all the other things I loved doing before I became a mom. I wrote about it here, but to summarize: Becoming a mom reminded me of who I was. It made me more myself than I've ever been. And that has been the most welcome surprise. 

If you're a mom, what are some ways it has surprised you?

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Wednesday, May 10, 2017

3 Things You Need to Know About.

This mermaid shirt. Because even mermaids get cold sometimes. Bonus: This shirt is TWELVE DOLLARS. You're welcome. Notes: It's listed as a sweatshirt, but it's thin. Like a thicker t-shirt. I ordered a large because I wanted it to be super extra slouchy, and it is. So I would say it runs true to size. Also, I'm wearing this lipstick in shade "respect the pink."

Everything but the Bagel Seasoning. Want something you cook to taste like you spent a lot of time seasoning it without actually doing it? This is for you. It's delicious. It really tastes like an everything bagel. 

This After Sun Lotion. This is my favorite lotion, ever. It smells like vacation and it leaves your skin feeling way better than the sticky mess that comes with using aloe gel. Also, it definitely makes your tan last longer. But what's probably the best part is that it's $7 and will last all summer. I love when cheap things are actually the best. 

Tell me something I need to know about! 
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Monday, May 8, 2017

What I Really Want For Mother's Day. Alternatively Titled: I Have a Toddler.

In magazines, blog posts, and advertisements on Facebook, I keep seeing Mother's Day gift guides pop up. They're pretty, usually pink, and full of things like expensive candles and body scrub. And obviously the people writing these are doing a good job, because I'm a mom, and I nod along and think, yes, yes I do want that. 

But, since I am a mom, and Mother's Day gift guides are for people buying gifts for moms, I thought I'd give you a little inside peek on what I really want for Mother's Day. 

Sleep. All of the sleep. Seriously, all of it. I cannot stress this enough. I don't mean I want a nap or to sleep in on Sunday, I want all. of. the. sleep. So if you could just pack up a few of your extra hours and wrap them up with a bow, that's what I want. 

Coffee. All of it. There could be a river of coffee flowing straight through my house and it still would not be enough lately. I need it all. Like this, but with coffee: 

My pre-baby body. Actually, if we're getting technical, here's what I really want: My pre-baby body, my post-baby hips, and my newborn days boobs, because hot DANG those were nice. So basically I want like a Frankenstein kind of situation. Is that too much to ask for? 

A magical new caffeine source. Something stronger than coffee, but not quite illegal drug status, ya feel? I would like it to leave me wide awake but also feeling as if I'd taken a mild sedative. I'd like zero shakes, 100% awareness, and also the ability to fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow. So like a coffee-wine hybrid, but way better. Again with the Frankenstein gifts, I guess.

A glam squad. If by some chance, I am unable to be gifted all of the sleep and all of the coffee, I will settle for this. A group of people to follow me around, who's sole purpose in life is to make it look like I've had all the sleep and coffee in the whole wide world. 

Length-changing hair. I want the mom chop because it's easy and because you don't know what pain is until your kid rips out a handful of your hair while you're half-asleep. But also I want long hair because top knots are the easiest. But also I want short hair because I don't want to wear my hair in a top knot every day and look like a slob. Can someone please fix this cycle? It's Mother's Day and I AM A MOTHER. 

Okay, okay, this is getting a bit excessive and I don't want to come across as greedy. I am so blessed to be a mom, and truly, I don't need all of this. 

I'll just settle for that Frankenstein bod. 
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Thursday, May 4, 2017

Things I Believe in This Week.

Spontaneity.  A few weeks ago, my best friend from growing up asked me if there was any way I would be able to meet her in Oklahoma to go on a wedding dress shopping road trip. The planner/mom/employee part of me was like, oh that would have been fun, but nope, not enough time to make it work. But the sentimental side of me was like, you CAN'T miss this, make it happen. And so I did! And it was the most fun. And nothing fell apart just because I did something spontaneously! More of that, please. 

Vacation. We are a week and a half out from vacation, so when I say I believe in vacation, you can trust that it is with a religious fervor. I am SO READY to just lay on a beach and do absolutely nothing. No emails or dishes or laundry. PRAISE HANDS.

Checking in with people you love. Like, really checking in. Asking about specific things. Keeping up to date on their lives. Sure, life is busy, but a five-minute phone call can make a really big difference in being there for someone. I'm trying to get better at this. You know how amazing it feels for a friend to come through for you and just listen when you really need them? Let's be that for other people.

What do you believe in this week? 

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Tuesday, May 2, 2017

Spending Your May: A To-Do List for Adventuring Through the Month.

1. Look up the summer fair in your town. Make plans to go! 

2. Get some cheap new sunglasses. The summer is not the time for expensive sunglasses. Especially when you can get some like these for under $10.

3. Plan a few summer trips. 

4. Dye your hair a fun color. 

5. Celebrate Cinco de Mayo! 

6. Tye-Dye something. A t-shirt, your hair...the possibilities are endless.

7. Make a summer reading list. Then hit up your library because FREE.

8. Try DIY cold brew coffee. 

9. Look up concerts in your area. 

10. Watch the sunrise and sunset in the same day.

11. Make grilling out a thing you do more often.

12. Pick three things you want to stop doing by the end of the summer. Mine: Drinking so much coffee, taking so long to respond to texts, complaining out loud. 

13. Pick three things you want to start doing by the end of the summer. 

14. Celebrate Mother's Day.

15. Invest in some pool floats. Like these:

16. Delete your texts. I wrote about this last month and I DID IT. All of my texts now fit on one screen with no scrolling. I don't know why this makes me feel so organized, but it does. 

17. Stop at the next ice cream truck you see. 

18. Stalk Ross / TJ Maxx / Marshall's for new beach towels. I was going to link some up here but apparently cute beach towels are like $85 now?? No thank you.

19. Host a good, old-fashioned BBQ. And by that I mean ask everyone to bring something and just hang out. No stress! 

20. Make lemonade.

21. Go to the beach.

22. Make a list of the things you would do if you had the entire summer off. When you get a day or a weekend off here and there, look at that list! 

23. Watch Elizabethtown. My favorite movie ever ever ever.

24. Take advantage of how delicious in-season fruit is.

25. Make some playlists for different moods.

26. Plan a road trip. 

27. Keep a list on your phone of people you'd like to send a card to. When your at Target, hit up the dollar section and mail them a little hello!

28. Perfect a smoothie recipe. 

29. Wear less makeup. It's too hot for all of that. 

30. Go for more walks. 

31. Eat dinner outside. 

How will you be spending your month?
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Friday, April 28, 2017

What April Taught Me.

That life will probably never look like I think it will, and that's okay. I say this a lot, but I am the biggest planner at heart who is living the least-plannable life at the moment. And I am slowly (oh so slowly) learning that it is okay. In fact, it's sometimes it's better than okay, because sometimes being flexible and going along with the flow leads to really great things. I realize I will be learning this for many more months (years?) and will probably master it just as I'm heading into a season of life where things are easily planned. But whatever, it's a journey, right? 

That cooking dinner makes a big difference. This is so silly, but it made the list! Usually, when Chris is working a rotation where he works late and isn't home for dinner, I just eat cereal or drink a shake or something in lieu of dinner. This month, though, I've been making it a habit to actually fix real food for dinner. It's made a difference in two ways: One, it makes my day feel less like a throwaway day (know what I mean?) and two, I feel a lot better physically when I'm eating actual food instead of cereal every night (Who knew?!). I feel like this is a very "Well, duh" thing, but I learned it this month, so on the list it goes. 

That recognizing the negative doesn't mean you aren't thankful. On Tuesday, I had a rough day that quickly spiraled into a bad night. Just a lot of little, frustrating things and a few big and bad ones. I posted a cute video of Jack pulling a blanket over his head and just laying down and said "100% how I also feel about this day" and a friend messaged me saying she, too, was having a bad day. So we exchanged teething toddler tales and stories about how the world was out to get us today and it made me realize that sometimes, it's okay to talk about the negative. 
Sometimes I feel the need to make a bright side out of everything because if not, surely that means I'm not thankful for my life, right? NOPE. Last week, I had a toddler with a double ear infection and medicine that induced insomnia. That's a negative. It doesn't mean I'm not thankful for said toddler, or that I get to be his mom, or that I have so many good things in my life. It just means some days have bad things, too. And it's okay to talk about them!
What did this month teach you?
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Wednesday, April 26, 2017

You Should Read These Things.

Every now and then, I come across articles or posts that I really just want to make all my friends read. Here are three of them from the last few weeks that I haven't been able to stop thinking about, so I wanted to pass them along!

Anxiety Makes Me Want To Apologize For Absolutely Everything. This article depicts anxiety in one of the most correct and clear ways I've ever seen. If you love someone who struggles with anxiety and maybe you don't understand why or how or when it's such a big deal, I'd really encourage you to read this.

"Anxiety plants these black seeds of doubt in my mind making me question everyone and everything. It makes me doubt really good people because anxiety tells me they aren’t. Anxiety tells me, “you should wonder if they are lying?” Anxiety tells me, “you’ve done something wrong.” Anxiety is what makes me question my self-worth, not people. Anxiety makes up these scenarios in my head and I have no choice but to follow the destructive path it will lead me down.

Next thing I know, I’m apologizing for something that didn’t even cross someone’s mind but my overanalytical skills think it’s something. . .

. . .Anxiety creates solutions to things that aren't even problems anywhere other than in my head."

When Treasured Things Are Dead. It is not an exaggeration to say that I sobbed when reading this. While it deals with being on the wrong side of religion and experiencing betrayal and hate from fellow Christians who she thought would always have her back, I think there's something in it that we can all relate to. Because there is truly something that dies when you look at a treasured friend and think, "I thought I could trust you with my life and now I cannot." May we read this and remember to love, always love, no matter what differences of opinions we have. 

"This year, I deeply experienced being on the wrong side of religion, and it was soul-crushing. I suffered the rejection, the fury, the distancing, the punishment, and sometimes worst of all, the silence. I experienced betrayal from people I thought loved us. I felt the cold winds of disapproval and the devastating sting of gossip. I received mocking group texts about me, accidentally sent to me; “Oh, we were just laughing WITH you!” they said upon discovery, an empty, fake, cowardly response. It was a tsunami of terror. One hundred things died. Some of them are still dead. Some are struggling for life but I don’t know if they will make it."

Green Ain't Your Color. My friend Lindsay wrote this post this week and it was both a breath of fresh air and a punch of conviction. I'll be the first to admit that I needed to read this. It was a great reminder that petty jealousy isn't healthy or helpful. Let's do better. 

"And remember that if someone else is living your dream, it doesn’t mean you can’t get it, too. There can be more than one full-time blogger. There can be more than one dream home, more than one good man (or woman), more than one degree, more than one weight loss, more than one dream job, more than one dream life. Just because it happens for someone faster doesn’t mean there’s none left for you. That’s a garbage way to live life. There’s room at the table for us all."  

Have you read any articles worth passing along lately? 
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Monday, April 24, 2017

Books I Read in April (And Whether or Not You Should Read Them)

Dark Matter by Blake Crouch

Plot: Are you happy with your life?” Those are the last words Jason Dessen hears before the masked abductor knocks him unconscious. Before he awakens to find himself strapped to a gurney, surrounded by strangers in hazmat suits. Before a man Jason’s never met smiles down at him and says, “Welcome back, my friend.” 

In this world he’s woken up to, Jason’s life is not the one he knows. His wife is not his wife. His son was never born. And Jason is not an ordinary college physics professor, but a celebrated genius who has achieved something remarkable. Something impossible.

Is it this world or the other that’s the dream? And even if the home he remembers is real, how can Jason possibly make it back to the family he loves? The answers lie in a journey more wondrous and horrifying than anything he could’ve imagined—one that will force him to confront the darkest parts of himself even as he battles a terrifying, seemingly unbeatable foe.

From the author of the bestselling Wayward Pines trilogy, Dark Matter is a brilliantly plotted tale that is at once sweeping and intimate, mind-bendingly strange and profoundly human—a relentlessly surprising science-fiction thriller about choices, paths not taken, and how far we’ll go to claim the lives we dream of." -Via Goodreads

My thoughts: I never would have picked this up on my own, but after hearing everyone rave about it, I needed to see what all the fuss was about. It did not disappoint!  Chris and I were taking a trip so we listened to it on Audible (you can click that link for a free trial & two free books) and we were down to the last 15 minutes when we got home, and we just sat there in the car because we had to finish it. 

It's a hard book to discuss without spoiling everything, but I think it's one you'll either be a huge fan of or not like at all. But it's definitely worth reading. The last paragraph of the plot summary nails it: It is sweeping and intimate and mind-bendingly strange and profoundly human. Definitely a winner. 
Favorite quote: “I can’t help thinking that we’re more than the sum total of our choices, that all the paths we might have taken factor somehow into the math of our identity."

Should you read it? Yes!

Scrappy Little Nobody by Anna Kendrick 

Plot: "Even before she made a name for herself on the silver screen starring in films like Pitch PerfectUp in the AirTwilight, and Into the Woods, Anna Kendrick was unusually small, weird, and “10 percent defiant.”

At the ripe age of thirteen, she had already resolved to “keep the crazy inside my head where it belonged. Forever. But here’s the thing about crazy: It. Wants. Out.” In Scrappy Little Nobody, she invites readers inside her brain, sharing extraordinary and charmingly ordinary stories with candor and winningly wry observations.

With her razor-sharp wit, Anna recounts the absurdities she’s experienced on her way to and from the heart of pop culture as only she can—from her unusual path to the performing arts (Vanilla Ice and baggy neon pants may have played a role) to her double life as a middle-school student who also starred on Broadway to her initial “dating experiments” (including only liking boys who didn’t like her back) to reviewing a binder full of butt doubles to her struggle to live like an adult woman instead of a perpetual “man-child.”

Enter Anna’s world and follow her rise from “scrappy little nobody” to somebody who dazzles on the stage, the screen, and now the page—with an electric, singular voice, at once familiar and surprising, sharp and sweet, funny and serious (well, not that serious)." -Via Goodreads

My thoughts: I really enjoyed it! I think she's hilarious, but she also has a lot of insight on following your dreams and what it's like to be on a journey to become 100% who you are. I highly recommend listening to the Audible version of this one, because she reads it herself and I think that makes it so much better. 

Favorite quote: “Having to fight for the thing you want doesn't mean you deserve it any less.”

Should you read it? If you're a fan of Anna Kendrick, yes!

Talking as Fast as I Can by Lauren Graham

Plot: "In Talking as Fast as I Can, Lauren Graham hits pause for a moment and looks back on her life, sharing laugh-out-loud stories about growing up, starting out as an actress, and, years later, sitting in her trailer on the Parenthood set and asking herself, “Did you, um, make it?” She opens up about the challenges of being single in Hollywood (“Strangers were worried about me; that’s how long I was single!”), the time she was asked to audition her butt for a role, and her experience being a judge on Project Runway (“It’s like I had a fashion-induced blackout”).

In “What It Was Like, Part One,” Graham sits down for an epic Gilmore Girls marathon and reflects on being cast as the fast-talking Lorelai Gilmore. The essay “What It Was Like, Part Two” reveals how it felt to pick up the role again nine years later, and what doing so has meant to her.
Including photos and excerpts from the diary Graham kept during the filming of the recent Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life, this book is like a cozy night in, catching up with your best friend, laughing and swapping stories, and—of course—talking as fast as you can." -via Goodreads

My thoughts: There are few fictional characters I love more than Lorelai Gilmore and Sarah Braverman, so of course I was going to read this. It felt like grabbing a cup of coffee with a friend and hearing all about behind the scenes of two of my favorite shows, so it's safe to say I was a big fan.

Favorite quote: “But life doesn’t often spell things out for you or give you what you want exactly when you want it, otherwise it wouldn’t be called life, it would be called vending machine.
It’s hard to say exactly when it will happen, and it’s true that whatever you’re after may not drop down the moment you spend all your quarters, but someday soon a train is coming. In fact, it may already be on the way. You just don’t know it yet.”

Should you read it? If you're a fan of Gilmore Girls or Parenthood, yes! (And if the answer to that was, "What?" please go watch Parenthood right this minute). 

What did you read this month?
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Friday, April 21, 2017

vacation vibes only.

If you follow me on Instagram, you saw that I brought our pool floats (Felicia & her cupcake) out of hiding, thus declaring it the unofficial start of summer. Plenty of you were quick to tell me it's not, in fact, summer, and that some of you still have snow on the ground, and I'm sorry you're having to deal with that kind of negativity in your life. My condolences. 

This is Felicia! It looks like they didn't make the cupcake one again this year, so may I suggest the giant popcorn instead?

But here, it is summer. 90 degrees and sunny summer. No really, that's today's forecast. We've got a little beach vacation coming up in a few weeks and I could not be more excited. But, like I blogged about last month, one of my goals for this year is to make my life seem more like a vacation. And being one week out from my birthday (where I started those goals), I have to's going pretty good. 

So if you want to join me in chasing after the vacation life, I've got some suggestions for you. Starting with these giant floats. 

When the pool float first had a big comeback, I remember saying to Chris, "What adult is going to pay $25 for a floatie?" Me. I am. And just a little update: Worth every penny. Bonus: It's fun to float on them with Jack, who happens to think giant flamingos are hilarious. 

Not pictured: GIANT margarita pool float. If you don't think I'm adding this one to my lineup, you don't know me.

You also probably definitely need one of these babes. Because if you're going to have a cooler, why not make it easy to carry and also adorable? I have the one pictured (duh) and I can vouch that it works. 

Happy Friday! I'm off to the pool with my giant flamingo and cooler bag full of LaCroix. Because if that isn't the most perfect real life (pretend) vacation day, then I don't know what is. 
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Thursday, April 20, 2017

I Always Want to Remember 2017: Part 4.

Even if you don't have a blog of your own, I highly recommend looking through all the pictures on your phone once a month. We live in a very cool age of technology where it's easy to just snap a picture and put our phone back in our pocket, but that means lots of pictures (and memories) are just forgotten. Looking back on the month via iPhone pictures reminds me of all the good parts, and I think you should do the same. 

Jack was "in" his first wedding (I say that in quotations because, like I've already told you, he declined to actually be in the wedding once we got there). It was a little bit of a drive away so we were letting him run around after we parked, and all he wanted to do was pick up all the leaves and hand them to Chris. It was precious. 

At least his outfit was cute, though. Priorities. 

The wedding ended with this sunset. Can you imagine a better send-off?

We found a tiny little fake beach town just an hour away from Gainesville and spent the day there.

Obsessed with those cheeks. And those unfair lashes that he will never ever appreciate. 

Jack's first experience with sno-cones. He has since had a second experience with a much happier expression. 

Chris took me shopping for my birthday (which is all I ever want to do on my birthday, anyone else?) and it was hilarious to me to see Jack running around "shopping" for himself. 

We also went back to my favorite, favorite restaurant in Orlando. And yes, I let my kid play with my phone. Desperate times. 

The bench again, because SO TINY.

^This is Sam, my residency friend I've talked about. She took me out for my birthday since Chris had to work. We tried to take so many pictures with Jack, and they all turned out blurry like this. But they still make me happy. 

I view my birthday as the unofficial start to summer each year. This week, we broke out the pool floats and blew them up, which I view as the official start to summer. 

What do you always want to remember about this month?
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Wednesday, April 19, 2017

Being Here, Now, in This Moment.

Sometimes, I hate residency. The long hours, the nights and weekends that I have to spend by myself, the inability to plan anything, the difficulty in explaining to people why I can't commit to things ahead of time.

But it doesn't matter if I love or hate it, because it's just life right now. 

Sometimes, I'm thankful for residency. I'm thankful for the city it brought us to, for the friends I would have never met otherwise. I'm thankful that my life partner is getting to do exactly what he wants to do with his life, I'm thankful for all the ways it's made me grow as a person. 

But it doesn't matter if I love or hate it, it's still just life right now. 

It's still just life. It still passes 24 hours at a time. Good days and bad days alike, hateful days and thankful days just the same. 

When Chris was nearing med-school graduation and we were nearing becoming parents, we sat down and talked about the next step. We didn't know where we'd be moving yet, or what life would look like with him in residency with a baby in the mix. But we decided that whatever the answer was, we were going to treat life like life. 

By that, I mean that we were going to just live life like normal people, not count down to the next step, or view each month or year as a phase. Because 1) That'll drive you crazy, and 2) It will make you miss out on a lot of good, too. 

It's not always easy to just live in the now, to view stressful situations as just another part of life, to choose to just live and enjoy the day to the fullest. And by not easy, I mean I fail at it at least once a week. But I'm working on it. 

I'm working on it because if I was busy counting down for the hard seasons to be over, I might have missed out on how some of the hard days were sunny and warm and perfect for spending by the pool and hey, actually pretty good days. If I was busy wishing time by faster I might have missed how much a gift it is to get to spend so much time with Jack, or how residency friendships are actually pretty great. 

I know I'm not the only one who struggles with this.

If you're busy counting down the days until you can leave your job, you might miss out on enjoying the good things. Maybe your schedule is flexible or your co-workers are great or some other small thing that you don't yet know you'll miss at your next job, but you will. Don't miss out on enjoying it right now. 

If you're busy wishing time away so you can finally move out of your tiny apartment, you might miss out on how great the view of the sunrise is out your window, or how easy your commute is, or how many of your favorite food places deliver to you. 

If you're busy counting down until you finally graduate or finally get married or finally have a baby or finally have another baby or finally land your dream job or finally save enough for a vacation or finally pay off your loans or finally settle will miss so much good in between. Good days in between the bad ones, good months in between the hard ones, good years that are disguised as tough ones. 

I know I'm not the only one who struggles with this. So let's work on it together. 

Let's work on being here, now, in this moment. Good or bad, hard or easy, loved or hated. 

Because, after all, it's still just life right now. And life is worth living. 
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Monday, April 17, 2017

My Heart is Full.

My birthday was Friday and Chris had to work (BOO), so my friend Sam spent the day with me. We laid by the pool and drank entirely too many LaCroixs and went out for some really good pad thai. Then I let my blogger freak flag fly and pulled out my tripod because we actually looked presentable and wanted a picture together. (I use this tripod and this remote. Highly recommend!)

Side note: If you are in a situation similar to me when it comes to having a partner in residency, the absolute best advice I can give you is to find someone else in that situation too. I hope you're lucky like me and have friends and family who will try their best to understand, but there's something to be said for someone who understands because it's their life, too. It is such a gift. 

After dinner, we went for ice cream and there was a baby-sized bench. If it happens to go missing, I definitely did not steal it because of how cute Jack looks sitting on it. Why would you ask me that?

I spent the entirety of Saturday in the sunshine by the pool. If you've been around me any period of time, you know this is my ideal day. The water is finally not completely freezing warm enough to swim if 1) you let yourself get hot enough, or 2) you're a one-year-old with no fear of cold water. 

We need to talk about this kid's side-eye. 

Jack adds joy to my life on a daily basis, but there are just no words for how much joy he adds to things like Easter. Watching him dig into his Easter basket and throw his eggs all around just filled my heart to the brim. 

Jack really surprised me with how much he understood! I thought we'd get some cute pictures of him, but he was really into picking the eggs up and putting them in his basket. It was adorable.

It was a really great weekend with all my favorite people and my heart is full. The perfect kick-off to a new year of life. 

How was your weekend?

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